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Well, enough chitter chatter, let's get to the products! Merry Christmas!
Pa. Crossbow’s Stinky Britches Fart Collector. Oh, here is a real deal, folks. Just place this baby in the seat of your pants and never worry about any embarrassing odors escaping again! Comes with a digital recording of “Who Let The Dogs Out?” that goes off when it is full. Just take it outside and hit the “EMPTY” button. Be sure to stand downwind! These will go fast folks! $24.97
Gimmy’s Mouse Milk Soap. Don’t ask me how she gets the milk from those tiny things, but what I do know is this soap will make you look younger after only a few washings. Special polymers in the suds fill in the wrinkles and makes your face look baby bottom smooth! Comes in two scents: Eucalyptus EEK! and Herbal Hantavirus. $59.67 per bar.
Lscha's Michigan Tour Guide. Ever wanted to go to Michigan but didn’t know where all the good places to visit are? Me neither, but just incase you end up there, be ready to find those well kept secrets with this new pamphlet. Shows hot spots like Gilligan’s Mini Isle, George’s Rock, Slippery Creek and more! $2.01 each.
Wendy Guide Girl’s Hunting Blind. Like to hunt? Like to nap while on the stand? Well, now you can do both in comfort. This camo blind comes with an inside hammock that ties from corner to corner. If you like to rock don’t worry about any unwanted noises. Depending on how fast you swing it will make natural animal calls. Slow for big buck grunts, medium swings for bear coon calls, and really fast for hog squeals. $379.24
BLACK BOAR DOWN! By Joseph Sills. Ever wanted to go after big wild boars but haven’t because you don’t know what to expect? Well, if you buy this new book all your questions will be answered with real photographs from Joe’s hunts. Want to know what your face looks like when being charged by a boar with 6 inch tusks? He has a picture of it. Want to know how high a big boar can throw you up in the air? There is a picture of him clearing a gas well. Want to know what you look like after being trampled by a whole herd of pigs? Well, let’s just say, IT’S IN THERE! 100 pictures. $23.33
Buck Buster’s Wiga Goo Choo Waxing Cream. Ooooh, here is some cool stuff. Mark and his wife just got back to Holland from their annual trip to Wiga Goo Choo Island where all the people have GREAT BIG EARS. I'm talking HUGE! While there they always collect ear wax from the tribes. This ear wax is unlike any other earwax on earth. You can use it on your furniture, under your arms to stop hair growth, on your lips to keep them moist in cold weather and a thousand other uses. You can even wax your car or use it in your axles! Get your 1 ounce tube today before they are gone. $45.91
Uncle Buck257’s Camo Face Mask. THere is more to this camo than you might think. Not only can you get Tree Lichen camo for hunting, but you can also get several varieties to hide you in other places. There is "Brick," "Bathroom Green," and "Pavement Black." For someone really ugly there is "Flower" mask which is Uncle Buck's favorite to wear! Order yours and get ready to disappear. $17.82
Blow Up Hunting Buddies! Just what you need if you feel lonely on the stand, or even if you get scared. Just blow up these life size hunting pals and set them in the stand with you. The painted on clothes will never fade. You can pick one of two pals: Ky. Longbeard or Ridgerhunter. Each one can double as a whoopie cushion! $128.22 each.
10% OFF Tevis Cosmetics! Since Brian Tevis was a little boy he had a fascination with lipstick and eye lash extenders. Now he's all grown up and owns his own cosmetic company. All products are designed and tested by Brian himself. From 24 hour Lickity Lip Stick to Baby Butt Facial Cream, even you can be beautiful. Call 1-800-QUE-TIPS and mention promo code Ranger 911 to receive a catalog and your discount today!
FREE when you make any purchase. Maad’s Phone Number! Maad just loves crank calls and what better way to give him a Merry Christmas than to call him up and don’t tell him who you are! Because this is for members only, call Sporty87 for the number.
SPECIALIZED Coyote Howler. Now you can hunt from the comfort of your vehicle. This baby hooks right up to the horn turning it into the greatest predator call of all time. Produces several sounds: Coyote Howl, Dying Chipmunk and others. Took awhile, but SPECIALIZED got all the bugs worked out after his horn got stuck and he had to drive 50 miles home with Rabbit in Distress blaring. Get yours today! 159.11
Hurricane Chompers. Anyone who has false teeth knows how hard it can be to chew up a piece of deer meat. Well, Hurricane has come up with a set of teeth that will go through the toughest meat. Made out of 5 pounds of stainless steel. Comes with directions on how to beef up those muscles so you can lift your jaw at each bite. Even has a DVD showing Hurricane chattering away with them in his mouth, and except for when the light glints off them, you can’t even tell they are in there! Comes in plain or serrated. $599.64
Firemedic396 Stethoscope. Firemedic has developed a super sensitive stethoscope that is great for doctors and nurses, and for home use. Listen to your heart or lungs. Stick it up to the wall and listen to what the kids are up to. Even break into safes! $78.88
Pronghorn’s Mini Jelly Beans Sandwiches. Made from real jelly, but has a layer of bread around each bean so it melts in your mouth and not in your hands. Also makes great ammo for pea shooters! 5 oz. bag $3.22
Huntingal Feather Jewelry. Handmade earrings and hair clips from the feathers of her very own flock of chickens. Between you with a set of this jewelry and Sporty87 with all that hair up his nose, you will be as tickled! Your choice of earrings or hair clips: $9.59
Hankenhunter Hankies. Tired of snot streaks on the backs of your glove when it is cold? Nose all scratched up from those rough sleeves? Do you end up trying to shake the boogers off the end of your finger? Well, you need Hankenhunter Hankies. One side is smooth and soft for wiping, the other side has special velcro to grab those green blobs and hold them. Hankies are biodegradable, so when you get it full just throw it on the ground. Be proud to know you have helped fertilize the great outdoors! $18.07 for a pack of six.
Bones44 Magic Poker Cards. These cards can be used for games or to do tricks. The back of each card has Bone’s avatar of him holding two fish. The ones with his pinkie sticking out are aces! $4.31 per deck.
Dave Hawk Paint Kit. Now you can be a professional painter just like the famous Wildlife Artist, Dave Hawk. Comes with paint brushes, paint, and the same paint by number pictures he uses! The first 100 purchasers get a free DVD with Dave entitled: How To Kill Big Bucks in Your Neighbor’s Yard. Order now! $37.44
Buzzard Bait's Redneck Christmas Wrap Duck Tape Oh boy, now here is something us old farts really can use with the holidays upon us. Just stick one end on the package and zoom the roll around and around until the gift is all covered up and tear it off at the end. Comes in two designs: Buzzards in Santa Suits, and Buzzards in a pear tree. $10.13 a roll.
Cal45 Hunting Action Figure: Now you can pretend to be the famous Cal45 on one of his backyard hunting expeditions. Comes with a miniature replica of his house. Set little Cal on the commode with his rifle pointing out the back door and get ready for action! Push the toilet handle and Cal45 says, "Come out you little turds!" Loads of fun. $31.79 for the complete set.
Okay folks, that is all we have at this time, but check back again because we will have some more items added to the catalog as time goes by!
Edited by Ranger, 15 December 2011 - 01:39 AM.
I thought this stuff was real! 
